It has been a while since I've posted anything here. Life has been full and a bit crazy. My son, John, got married. Cheryl and I celebrated our 41st anniversary. My grandson, Corwin, hit his first birthday. And life goes on in the midst of all of it. I am so, so very blessed and so full of joy.
I have to say again that this grand-parenting thing really is wonderful and Corwin brings me more joy than I can say. I'm looking forward to his cousin Khloe arriving sometime within the next few weeks and watching my heart expand even more.
In the meantime, here's a fun video of Corwin. A few weeks ago I had a great gig with a wonderful singer named Stefana who pushed me out of my wheelhouse a good bit as she does a lot of Middle Eastern flavored music. Corwin loved her music. Part of my process of getting ready was just to listen to the tunes while reading through the charts. Whenever I would do that, Corwin would sing along. Here's a little clip of him doing just that.
Showing posts with label grandparent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandparent. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 02, 2014
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
grandparenting
It's been a while since I've posted an entry here... life has been full.
In October our daughter, son-in-law, and grandson moved in with us. It has been a tricky adjustment. We have 5 adults, an infant, and 3 cats in our medium sized condo. There are the tensions and adjustments one would expect when a grown child and her family move back with the rents. Add the clutter that comes with a baby and you get the picture. All of that has been a more difficult adjustment for my spouse than for me, but it is what it is. I can only guess what my daughter and son-in-law are feeling about all of it.
Well, here's the good side. I get to see my grandson every day and directly experience the changes that most grandparents don't get to see. I tell him daily that he is "my favorite person in the whole world," and I mean it. He brings a sense of delight to my life that hasn't been there in a good while. When I hold him, I see the future. When he smiles I melt. Life is good.
I've thought a lot about the differences between parenting and grandparenting. Obviously there are some bits that are the same. We all want the very best for Corwin. We want him to be happy, healthy, and to find a path for his life that is full. Still there is a big difference. I'm not responsible. That makes my agenda for his life much less weighty. I can enjoy my time with him. If I change his diaper, it is because I want to, not because I have to. Indeed, changing his diaper is one of my favorite activities as we get to talk uninterrupted.
OK, so let me brag on him a bit... Corwin loves music, or at least the music that he loves. He is very opinionated. He loves rhythmic music. When music he enjoys is playing he moves arms, legs, and head and sometimes sings along. When that song ends or when he hears music he doesn't like, he cries. The first time I noticed it, I had recorded the Saturday Night Live episode with Katy Perry and it was playing while I changed his diaper. He loved Roar and trying to get his diaper on was like trying to do origami with a fish as all of his limbs were moving. The song ended... and he roared. He likes faster Irish music and just about anything with a strong rhythm. One of his favorites is an old Harry Belafonte tune I sing to him sometimes - Zombie Jamboree (as a child, the Kingston Trio version was in heavy rotation at my house). There are those times when our tastes don't quite line up. We were watching The Voice this week (one of his favorite shows BTW) and the coaches did a song with Def Leppard. He loved it... me not so much. Given the way he moves all of his limbs, I won't be surprised if he becomes a drummer. Watch out Manu Katche, here he comes!
In October our daughter, son-in-law, and grandson moved in with us. It has been a tricky adjustment. We have 5 adults, an infant, and 3 cats in our medium sized condo. There are the tensions and adjustments one would expect when a grown child and her family move back with the rents. Add the clutter that comes with a baby and you get the picture. All of that has been a more difficult adjustment for my spouse than for me, but it is what it is. I can only guess what my daughter and son-in-law are feeling about all of it.Well, here's the good side. I get to see my grandson every day and directly experience the changes that most grandparents don't get to see. I tell him daily that he is "my favorite person in the whole world," and I mean it. He brings a sense of delight to my life that hasn't been there in a good while. When I hold him, I see the future. When he smiles I melt. Life is good.
I've thought a lot about the differences between parenting and grandparenting. Obviously there are some bits that are the same. We all want the very best for Corwin. We want him to be happy, healthy, and to find a path for his life that is full. Still there is a big difference. I'm not responsible. That makes my agenda for his life much less weighty. I can enjoy my time with him. If I change his diaper, it is because I want to, not because I have to. Indeed, changing his diaper is one of my favorite activities as we get to talk uninterrupted.
OK, so let me brag on him a bit... Corwin loves music, or at least the music that he loves. He is very opinionated. He loves rhythmic music. When music he enjoys is playing he moves arms, legs, and head and sometimes sings along. When that song ends or when he hears music he doesn't like, he cries. The first time I noticed it, I had recorded the Saturday Night Live episode with Katy Perry and it was playing while I changed his diaper. He loved Roar and trying to get his diaper on was like trying to do origami with a fish as all of his limbs were moving. The song ended... and he roared. He likes faster Irish music and just about anything with a strong rhythm. One of his favorites is an old Harry Belafonte tune I sing to him sometimes - Zombie Jamboree (as a child, the Kingston Trio version was in heavy rotation at my house). There are those times when our tastes don't quite line up. We were watching The Voice this week (one of his favorite shows BTW) and the coaches did a song with Def Leppard. He loved it... me not so much. Given the way he moves all of his limbs, I won't be surprised if he becomes a drummer. Watch out Manu Katche, here he comes!
Monday, September 16, 2013
two weeks
Two weeks ago, Corwin Alexander Busby mad his debut into the world. A week ago, I met him for the first time and have gotten to spend the last week with him, my daughter, and my son-in-law. Someone recently told me that the love between a grandparent and a grandchild is the purest form of love. I don't know whether that is accurate or not but I understand the idea. As a grandparent I approach the child with only one agenda... to enjoy his presence. And I do... how I do...
I told Corwin that he is my favorite person in the entire world. He responded by filling his diaper... "How do you like me now?" I was excited! I got to change his diaper again. I am truly and absolutely in love.
I don't have many photos of him awake... it seems that most of the time he is not sleeping, he is eating... so, here is one.
I told Corwin that he is my favorite person in the entire world. He responded by filling his diaper... "How do you like me now?" I was excited! I got to change his diaper again. I am truly and absolutely in love.
I don't have many photos of him awake... it seems that most of the time he is not sleeping, he is eating... so, here is one.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
It is Not My World
Most of the time life moves along like a river - smoothly, quietly, consistently. While you can never stick your foot in the same river twice, in large degree, just looking you'd never know that. One day blends into the next. Time goes by like an ever flowing stream. The artificial breaks of months and years are just that. Every now and then, though, something happens that is a big marker, separating one chapter of life from the previous one and it is obvious that nothing will ever be the same again.
Getting married is one of those jarring changes for many people. It wasn't so for me. I'm not sure whether that had to do with my lack of maturity or what, but I didn't feel as if things were particularly different afterwards. The birth of my daughter and the adoption of my son were big deals. In both cases, I knew that the world had changed. When I was diagnosed with familial hyperlipidemia was another and I first really faced my own mortality. In 2006 both of my parents died (two weeks apart). That was a huge one as I realized that I was then in the oldest generation of my family. I wasn't the son, I was the old man.
Yesterday another huge one happened. At 7:15pm in Berkeley, CA, Corwin Alexander Busby arrived in the world. We knew he was coming. For 9 months, we've been getting ready both physically and emotionally. His mother and father, Alexis and Christian have been full of dreams and anxieties. I've been thinking about that day for months and realized that he brought with him a message of critical import. The world is not mine. Yes, I knew that some day I would die and that there would be people who followed after me who would never even hear my name let alone forget it. Still, seeing yet another new generation begin reminded me in a life changing way that I am only visiting here for a short while. Indeed the only thing that I leave behind are the relationships that have formed people who will form people who will form people for who knows how many generations.
It is sobering. It is wonderful. It is exciting. It reminds me of what is real and important. I can't wait to get that little boy in my arms and embrace a future that I will not live to see but which will go on none the less.
Getting married is one of those jarring changes for many people. It wasn't so for me. I'm not sure whether that had to do with my lack of maturity or what, but I didn't feel as if things were particularly different afterwards. The birth of my daughter and the adoption of my son were big deals. In both cases, I knew that the world had changed. When I was diagnosed with familial hyperlipidemia was another and I first really faced my own mortality. In 2006 both of my parents died (two weeks apart). That was a huge one as I realized that I was then in the oldest generation of my family. I wasn't the son, I was the old man.
Yesterday another huge one happened. At 7:15pm in Berkeley, CA, Corwin Alexander Busby arrived in the world. We knew he was coming. For 9 months, we've been getting ready both physically and emotionally. His mother and father, Alexis and Christian have been full of dreams and anxieties. I've been thinking about that day for months and realized that he brought with him a message of critical import. The world is not mine. Yes, I knew that some day I would die and that there would be people who followed after me who would never even hear my name let alone forget it. Still, seeing yet another new generation begin reminded me in a life changing way that I am only visiting here for a short while. Indeed the only thing that I leave behind are the relationships that have formed people who will form people who will form people for who knows how many generations.
It is sobering. It is wonderful. It is exciting. It reminds me of what is real and important. I can't wait to get that little boy in my arms and embrace a future that I will not live to see but which will go on none the less.
Thursday, May 09, 2013
still pro-choice... but
My daughter Alexis and her husband, Christian are pregnant. She's about 23 weeks now I think. I am excited and really looking forward to becoming a grandparent. My only grief comes that they live in Oakland, CA and we in Buellton... it is a bit more than a 4 hour drive in reasonable traffic so I won't get to see Kiddo (their name for the one who is coming) nearly as often as I'd like.
Two weeks ago we had the wonderful experience of being present while Alexis had a sonogram and we saw Kiddo, moving around inside his/her warm and safe place. I teared up. I have dreams and hopes and fears of all of the potential futures there in Kiddo. Sitting in the waiting room, I saw a number of young women, obviously pregnant, waiting their turns. Most were with partners, but one or two were alone. Most seemed excited, a few scared, and one or two were less obvious.
I couldn't help but wrestle with the question of abortion as I thought about the joy of our experience and the pain an unwanted pregnancy is for some young women. I couldn't help but think of the wonderful visions we hold and the terrible ones held by some other women in similar circumstances. And I couldn't help but think that while Kiddo is becoming a baby, Kiddo isn't one yet. At the same time, I could not and cannot deny that Kiddo is well on the way. This is not just a mass of cells or a growth... there is a potential here that is awesome and wonderful beyond words.
So... I am still pro-choice. I cannot make a decision for a young woman about the rest of her life when I have not walked in her shoes and felt her fears and despair. I know that pregnancy is not a simple condition and that pregnancies are lost for "natural" reasons all of the time, many times with nobody even knowing that a pregnancy had occurred. Our reaction to those losses is not the same as the death of a baby and there are good reasons for that. But I am also reminded that an abortion is not like a haircut and isn't and never should be a simple decision. What is happening here really is miraculous. So, I am also pro-life. In my best of all worlds, there would never be another abortion. In my more realistic hopes, abortion will be extremely rare but when it happens, it will be safe, affordable, and accessible. More importantly, all will know that as a society we have done all we can to make that choice unnecessary.
All too often, those who label themselves pro-life are really pro-birth and see no need to provide care for the woman while she is pregnant nor for a child once it has been born. As a society we do little to address the structural issues that force a woman to make a decision she may not feel the need to make were circumstances different. We must address those issues as a nation if we really want to lessen the number of abortions. There should be comprehensive sex education for kids so a girl knows how her body works and doesn't. We in the Church should be speaking to them about the values of sexual relationships and the responsibility that goes with that without the stupid overlay of abstinence only (which of course works... until it doesn't). And contraception should be affordable and easily accessible. Let's make unwanted pregnancies rare. Sure they will still happen, but we could make them much less common than they are now.
And then we need to think about cultural supports for children and families. As a culture we need to put in place serious, serious supports for families with young children and especially for families with special needs children and adults so that facing a future with a child with issues doesn't equate to financial ruin. We need affordable, quality childcare. We need structural supports that allow parents to be a part of their children's lives such as family leave and flexibility in work hours. We need positive adoption policies and processes that allow parents to surrender children without legal repercussions. We need to work to alleviate poverty which is associated with higher rates of abortion.
Two weeks ago we had the wonderful experience of being present while Alexis had a sonogram and we saw Kiddo, moving around inside his/her warm and safe place. I teared up. I have dreams and hopes and fears of all of the potential futures there in Kiddo. Sitting in the waiting room, I saw a number of young women, obviously pregnant, waiting their turns. Most were with partners, but one or two were alone. Most seemed excited, a few scared, and one or two were less obvious.I couldn't help but wrestle with the question of abortion as I thought about the joy of our experience and the pain an unwanted pregnancy is for some young women. I couldn't help but think of the wonderful visions we hold and the terrible ones held by some other women in similar circumstances. And I couldn't help but think that while Kiddo is becoming a baby, Kiddo isn't one yet. At the same time, I could not and cannot deny that Kiddo is well on the way. This is not just a mass of cells or a growth... there is a potential here that is awesome and wonderful beyond words.
So... I am still pro-choice. I cannot make a decision for a young woman about the rest of her life when I have not walked in her shoes and felt her fears and despair. I know that pregnancy is not a simple condition and that pregnancies are lost for "natural" reasons all of the time, many times with nobody even knowing that a pregnancy had occurred. Our reaction to those losses is not the same as the death of a baby and there are good reasons for that. But I am also reminded that an abortion is not like a haircut and isn't and never should be a simple decision. What is happening here really is miraculous. So, I am also pro-life. In my best of all worlds, there would never be another abortion. In my more realistic hopes, abortion will be extremely rare but when it happens, it will be safe, affordable, and accessible. More importantly, all will know that as a society we have done all we can to make that choice unnecessary.
All too often, those who label themselves pro-life are really pro-birth and see no need to provide care for the woman while she is pregnant nor for a child once it has been born. As a society we do little to address the structural issues that force a woman to make a decision she may not feel the need to make were circumstances different. We must address those issues as a nation if we really want to lessen the number of abortions. There should be comprehensive sex education for kids so a girl knows how her body works and doesn't. We in the Church should be speaking to them about the values of sexual relationships and the responsibility that goes with that without the stupid overlay of abstinence only (which of course works... until it doesn't). And contraception should be affordable and easily accessible. Let's make unwanted pregnancies rare. Sure they will still happen, but we could make them much less common than they are now.
And then we need to think about cultural supports for children and families. As a culture we need to put in place serious, serious supports for families with young children and especially for families with special needs children and adults so that facing a future with a child with issues doesn't equate to financial ruin. We need affordable, quality childcare. We need structural supports that allow parents to be a part of their children's lives such as family leave and flexibility in work hours. We need positive adoption policies and processes that allow parents to surrender children without legal repercussions. We need to work to alleviate poverty which is associated with higher rates of abortion.
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