unfriending

I've been unfriended on Facebook... more than once.  The first time I was aware of it, I was upset.  Yes, I am opinionated and I'm not shy about sharing opinions, but I try to be respectful of those with whom I disagree and I try to learn from them.  I also try to help them better understand my position.  Yes... there is a degree of "evangelism" inherent in that, but I am more concerned about discussing and learning than about converting.  I really wanted to know whether there was something I had said that was offensive and fix it.  I didn't try but I still am curious about that first unfriending.

I never imagined that I would do it.  I have some pretty conservative friends and I treasure their input especially when we don't agree.  That reminds me that there are other ways of seeing the world and they always have something to teach me.  They also remind me of some of the fallacies on my side of the theological, cultural, and political boundaries.  That is very good.

This week, for the first time I unfriended someone.  It wasn't easy for me to do.  I really do treasure those connections across viewpoints and I really do try to be both respectful and humble.  This time, there was no discussion and no respect coming my way at all and no interest in seeing anything from another's viewpoint.  More than once I got messages from other friends asking what was up with that person on my timeline.  Then the questions became "why are you putting up with that?"  and I began to see that some of the remarks were hurtful to other friends or worse than that, were bringing out the worst in me and in other people.  So, I unfriended this individual.

I wish we had been able to talk and learn from one another.  I wish that both of us would have been stretched and encouraged to see things in new ways.  That just wasn't happening and as another friend reminded me, "don't feed the trolls."  I don't regret it, but I am sad.

Glide Memorial

Whenever we travel, we always try to attend a church that is doing things differently than we do.  I hope the experience will stretch me and open me to a new way of doing what we do at Cambridge Drive.

Last weekend was our anniversary.  We didn't have time or money to do a real vacation so we drove north to O'town and visited our daughter and son-in-law for a few days.  We decided to cross the bridge and attend Glide Memorial Church on Sunday morning.  It was a unique experience.  I've never been to a church before where the website advised you to arrive at least 1/2 hour early to ensure getting a seat.  Sure enough, the line was over a block long before the doors opened to allow us in.  During the service, the pastor asked the members of the congregation to stand.  Less than 1/3 of the people attending stood.  The group standing were significantly more diverse - all colors, sexual orientations, economic settings, ages - than the mostly white tourists attending.

The service itself was very much a performance.  The band and the choir were killer but rock concert loud in a room with typical lousy church acoustics - making the sound pretty muddy.  Still, the excitement was infectious and much of the time everyone was on their feet clapping along.  There was only one song that was clearly meant for the congregation to join in singing so it felt more like a performance than a worship service.   A group who had recently returned from a work trip to Kenya spoke during the sermon time... they did a very good job, clear, succinct, and meaningful.   There was little prayer, no time of silence, and I don't recall anyone mentioning Jesus.  My daughter Alexis found the experience way too intense and blogged about it here.

I was struck by the difficulties of doing worship in a congregation comprised of folk without shared history or even commitments.  I was reminded of the difficulty of doing ministry in urban areas and the resources that work requires.  I was thrilled with an obvious welcome that was there for all without question or hesitation.  I'm glad that Glide is there.  They provide a version of the gospel that is rarely seen and open doors to folk very few churches would welcome.  Still, it isn't for me... but it doesn't need to be.

So, what did I learn?  There is room for a progressive gospel and a style that is culturally relevant.  Indeed, even tourists want to experience it.  I would expect that at least some of the folk there left with a new hunger to find a church that would actually accept them as they are and speak to them in ways that touched their lives when they returned home.   I learned that I can never take the need for balance in worship for granted.  I learned that I feel pretty good about who we are, what we are doing, and the journey we are on at Cambridge Drive.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Guitar players are notorious for hearing with their eyes... a cool looking guitar always sounds better.  For electric guitar players, they see some guitars or amps and hear them as "BIG!"  Of course the epitome of this effect took place when a band's stage set up included a wall of huge speaker cabinets... except they were all empty and just for show.  For acoustic players, lighter colored woods like maple for the backs and sides are heard as being thin and bright while darker colored woods like most rosewoods are heard as richer and deeper.  That is why you see very few high end acoustic guitars with backs and sides of light colored woods and some companies traditionally dye medium colored woods like mahogany to make them darker (CF Martin is an example).  For both groups of players, the shapes of the guitar also impacts what we hear.  Now there clearly are differences between different kinds of woods and different shapes of instruments... but they are not always consistent with the assumptions.

It turns out there is a scientific background for this called the McGurk Effect.  Watch this fascinating video...



Cool huh?  I think that roughly the same thing is going on for the guitar players.  Now, here's the question... does this work in theology?  Politics?  other social settings?  And does it extend beyond just sight and hearing playing against each other?  I think so.  When I was doing my doctorate, we had a couple of faculty with southern accents.  One of them joked that the right kind of southern accent always increased respect.  The wrong kind, got you written off immediately.  How many times I've heard a newscaster here in sunny Cali with Valley Girl inflections and written her off as a ditz...  And it goes further still, when certain vocabulary is used I place the speaker in categories that impact what I hear.  Start talking to me about seeing angels or getting people saved or the Cosmic All and I easily slide you into a slot defined by preconceptions which color what I hear and do not hear. 

The good news is that I can be aware of it and work to really listen to whatever it is you're saying, trying to understand your language without my baggage getting in the way.  The bad news is that like the McGurk Effect, I may not always be successful.  I'm trying though.